My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
