i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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