There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
