I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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