Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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