I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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