I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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