There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
