i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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