I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
