There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
