Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
