So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
