maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
