life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
