I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
