i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My ATM looks so different sober.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
