My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
