I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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