i just google imaged poop.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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