You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
