Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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