I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
