Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
