what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
