if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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