guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
