he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
