I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
