I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
