Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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