Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
