I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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