im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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