Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
