well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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