u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
