proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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