We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
