You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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