I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
