I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
