you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
