I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
