things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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