okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
