you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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