I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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