She said her name was "party"
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
