I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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