On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
