Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
