Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hippo gnu deer
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
