Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
