Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
