we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i've created a new STD.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
