So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
