I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
