Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
