Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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